The Perfectionism - Pain Connection
For years, your perfectionism and over-functioning were your superpowers. These survival strategies earned the promotions, built the reputation, and secured the high-level seat at the table. You became the “reliable one” who never misses a detail. But in midlife, the very “armor” that protected your career has been quietly shaping your nervous systems for persistent pain
Perfectionism as a Somatic Shield
In somatic psychology, perfectionism is often a protective shield. It ensures safety and guarantees belonging. For many of us, this shield, which began as a survival strategy, became our super power. Allowing us to identify problems that others couldn’t see, quickly identify and deploy solutions, multi-task like a champion, and do it all with grace and poise. However, this comes with a significant somatic cost: to be “perfect,” your nervous system must stay hyper-vigilant. You are literally “bracing” for the next mistake. Your nervous system is scanning for actual or potential threat, often reacting in extreme ways that can feel bewildering.
How is this connected to your back pain, migraines or IBS? Keep reading as I put all of the puzzle pieces together.
3 Ways Perfectionism Triggers Your Nervous System
Living in a constant state of “bracing” creates long-term physiological strain. When your nervous system remains stuck in a protective loop, it impacts more than just your productivity:
The Relationship Tax: Hypervigilance is physically and mentally exhausting. This often leaves you with little to no energy to be truly present for your children, partner, or friends. For a perfectionist, this fatigue often triggers a secondary cycle of guilt and “over-functioning” to compensate for perceived shortcomings, feeding right back into the pain-stress loop.
The Leadership Leak: Living with chronic pain requires immense cognitive and subconscious energy. This “background noise” acts as a major drain on your focus, reducing your productivity and hindering your ability to perform at a high level in your career or business.
The “Wired but Tired” Autonomic State: Constant bracing becomes a habit, causing the nervous system to lose its autonomic flexibility. This makes it difficult to shift from “fight or flight” into “rest and digest” mode. For those struggling with IBS or digestive distress, this lack of flexibility significantly augments the pain experience and prevents deep physical recovery.
Common Somatic Signals of Chronic Bracing
Your body provides physical cues when it is stuck in a state of hyper-vigilance. Look out for:
- The Locked Jaw: A physical “fight” response.
- High-Chest Breathing: Living in a constant alarm state.
- Shoulder Armor: Physically carrying the load of external and internal expectations.
- The “Push Through” Gait: Moving with unnecessary urgency in your daily life.
The Pain - Perfection Connection
All pain is a protection mechanism. It’s the nervous system’s response to potential or actual threat. The problem is, your brain, processing billions of data points each moment of life, sometimes has to make a best guess as to when and from what you need protection. Pain is such a powerful behavioural modifier, that the nervous system often uses it to protect you from threats that do not involve your tissues.
This is why pain often comes out of nowhere when in very stressful times of life. Or why a poor night of sleep or a stint of eating poorly while on the road can amplify pain or even trigger a flare. Perfectionism and people pleasing are traits that are associated with chronic pain for this reason. As perfectionists, we have a nervous system that is hyper vigilant to threat. You could say it is tuned to a very high level of sensitivity. In the past, it kept us safe. Now, with the hormonal changes of perimenopause, high career stress and mounting family pressures in midlife, your very resilient systems have had a bit too much.
The result is a nervous system that is protecting you, with pain. Neck pain, shoulder pain, knee pain, etc… No matter where it is in the body, its role is to protect you from threats that are not primarily about your tissues.
Neuro-Centric Pain Care: Shifting from Bracing to Healing
Those of us with these traits are used to actioning our way out of sticky situations. Researching, learning, doing. But you can’t perfect your way out of this. You’ll have to teach your nervous system to be flexible again. To transition with ease from high performing to healing. When you learn to signal safety to your system, you don’t just lose the pain—you regain your full capacity to lead at work, be present at home, cultivate the robust health that you desire in this and the next stage of life. You’re used to committing to a process. That skill will take you far in an evidence based, neuro-centric pain care program.
Ready to see your nervous system’s role in you pain condition”?
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